My first marriage... my intro to adulthood.

My life is really pretty ordinary by today's standards. I am 27 years old, mother of two, stepmother to three. We live in a very very very small town on the shores of the Chesapeake Bay and the Rappahannock River in eastern Virginia, in an area known as the Northern Neck. Being a city girl my entire life, small town life has had its ups and downs for me, and I'm sure that I will write more about that here.

I married the first time at the age of 20, for all the wrong reasons. My first husband and I had dysfunctional relationship from the getgo, and then I went and got pregnant. I felt desperate and lonely and so I married him. While I can look back and see our marriage was a big mistake, I can also see that I had not married him, I would not be the person I am today, and I would not have my second child, my son Colton. It is also because of my ex husband that I moved to Virginia, so I can credit my first marriage to leading me to my second, as weird as that is! After we got married, my first husband began drinking too much. He was emotionally abusive almost all the time. The things he said and did to play with my mind are too painful to write about here. He was and is a master at mind games. He was physically abusive sporadically, and fortunately, never enough to cause permanent damage. He controlled me by not allowing me to have my own money. He attempted to make me completely dependent on him to survive. In August of 2006, I had a huge wake up call, ironically, in marriage counselling, and told him I was done. I had never felt so liberated in my entire life. Many times in the past, I had threatened divorce. I always went back to him, usually via one of his mind games. I just sooo wanted to believe every promise and overture he made to me. This time though, I KNEW I was done. I knew nothing he said was going to change my mind.

I would not have made it without my parents. For all of the years of my marriage, I had kept most of what was happening to myself. I had always been taught not to air my dirty laundry and to keep family matters private. I thought going to my mother or father with my problems would be like whining at them. My divorce came as a big shock to them, until they begin to fully realize what I had dealt with. While I was going through it, my parents, and my wonderful sister, stood by me and supported me and made me see it was all going to be okay.